Writing Your Love Letter

When I ask teens about what brings them the most happiness, many of them say that their intimate relationships offer the most joy. With this time of summer love, I thought it would be fitting to share a concept from this week’s Book of the Week: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, written by John Gray. He introduces the idea of a love letter; and it’s not the kind you’d find on a Hallmark card, either. Instead, this love letter is a way for people to share their feelings during a time of conflict without seeming harsh, judgmental, or cruel. Also, the great thing about the love letter technique is that it works not only for couples, but for your relationships shared with anyone; a parent, a friend, or even yourself. The letter is meant to help you heal and ultimately be happier, whether or not you even share that letter with the person it is addressed to.
There are three simple steps:
  1. First, write the love letter in the following order: anger, sadness, fear, regret, and love. Make sure each subject is about the same in size and that you don’t dwell too much on one topic.
  2. Next, write a response letter to yourself in which you express how you’d like the person to respond.
  3. It is up to you whether or not you share your letter with that person. Offering a letter is a much less confrontational way to express how you feel; but if you’re worried that the person won’t take it seriously or that they will be overly defensive, then it is okay to keep it to yourself.
I decided to write a love letter to myself:
Dear Lauren,
  1. Anger: I am upset that you have not been taking time to relax and I want you to take more time for yourself. I want you to take better care of your health and realize that you need to just have some fun.
  2. Sadness: I feel disappointed that you have been a little moody lately. Please know that you are all that you need to be happy; no one else can do that for you.
  3. Fear: I am afraid that I will fail at this project and that I will be judged for my work. I feel scared that I will not be successful or happy with the final outcome.
  4. Regret: I am sorry for the people that I have wronged in my past. I wish that I didn’t gossip or have a bad attitude sometimes. I wish that I think before I speak.
  5. Love: I love who you are and I love that despite life’s challenges, you always find a way to be happy and enthusiastic about life. I appreciate your dedication to help others.
My response letter: Thank you so much for your honest letter. That was very brave of you to share with me and everyone on this blog about how you feel. I appreciate you opening yourself up to others and for taking the time to identify what you can improve on and what you love about yourself. I love you and I’m so excited that you have the opportunity to do what makes you happy!
Write your love letter today!
Keep Shining,
The Sunny Girl, Lauren Cook
The Sunny Girl, Lauren Cook

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  1. :) says:

    what a great idea! this is a good way to get rid of frustration

    Posted on 8.17.10 | Reply
  2. Woody says:


    As for item No. 3, your fear is unfounded! Your Sunny Side Up project is ALREADY an amazing success! Your book, when it is finished, is going to make you proud — and positively affect more people than you can imagine. Lastly, just remember Coach Wooden’s definition of success: peace of mind that comes from the self-satisfaction of knowing you did your best to be the best that you are capable. By this definition, Sunny Girl, you are soaring! Good luck and CONTINUED success.

    Posted on 8.17.10 | Reply
  3. 1. Caught in the waves with my mom: We went on a six mile walk along the beach today and we didn’t exactly plan on the high tide. Nonetheless, we had so much fun wading through the waves.

    2. Puzzle: My grandma and I decided to take on a 1,000 piece I-Spy puzzle. Big mistake. Not really though, it’s brought us more laughter than anything else. My grandma says her 5 Daily Gratitudes are the whopping five pieces we put together.

    3. My blanket: That’s right; I’ve still got one and it’s my pride and joy.

    4. Hot shower: After getting sandy from the beach, it was so refreshing to clean up.

    5. Laughing around the fire: Don’t you love the kind of laughter that makes you feel like you just did an ab workout? My dad is my favorite comedian.

    Posted on 8.19.10 | Reply

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